Godspell: The Original Soundtrack of My Faith--Matthew 26:38

Day 10

Even in my lowly spiritual state as a boy, the song By My Side from Godspell wrecked me.

(I say lowly because I guess I’m assuming that being younger means less spiritually mature–I certainly KNOW more now than I did then, but maybe being younger and less aware, less mature in my faith, equates to a purer spiritual state).

And I respond now, the same way I did then.

By My Side is a weeper.

I wonder, not having been through LIFE yet, how this song touched me as a boy? I hadn’t experienced romantic love yet. I hadn’t experienced loss yet.

I hadn’t experienced death yet.

I only knew playing baseball, swimming at the pool, and eating Pop Tarts on Saturday morning.

I get why this song brings tears now.

Where are you going?

Where are you going?

Can you take me with you?

For my hand is cold

And needs warmth

Where are you going?

Far beyond where the horizon lies

Where the horizon lies

And the land sinks into mellow blueness

Oh please, take me with you

Let me skip the road with you

I can dare myself

I can dare myself

I'll put a pebble in my shoe

And watch me walk (watch me walk)

I can walk

I can walk!

I will go right by your side

And follow you all the way

I will walk with you

And be by your side

And be by your side

By my side

By my side

By my side

By my side

By my side

I said, hey, what's the matter with you?

You seem so sad and lonely

Come and walk with me

Come and walk with me

Through all these years

I have been with you

I have been with you

Through the nights and days

I have shared your pain

I have shared your joy

And now I’m by your side

I’ll always be by your side

I’ll go wherever you will go

By my side

By my side

By my side

By my side

By my side

By my side

By my side

Intellectually, I think I can work through the anguish of Jesus (moreso now that I know more) in the Garden of Gethsemane.

But it's in the same way I can work through the causes of the Civil War or the steps to strengthen your leg after a knee replacement surgery. I can read certain facts and ascribe certain conclusions based on the facts.

I KNOW Jesus was in great anguish over His coming crucifixion.

Matthew 26 says so:

Matthew 26:38 Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”

And I know now, that in a lot of ways, I’ve failed to keep watch with Him as much as any of the disciples, who fell out one by one, unable to keep watch with Jesus.

The song so fervently wants to answer Jesus' request with support and belonging.

Even as a boy, listening to By My Side, having seen Jesus crucified on the cross all of my life over the altar–I knew there was something I was supposed to be doing for Him.

I didn’t know then, really, that I wasn’t going to be able to do it–then because I didn’t really know what it was I was supposed to be doing except for doing what my parents asked of me and getting along with my sister–but now, I weep during this song because I DO know what I’m supposed to be doing, but I’ve made a choice not to do it.

In The Missionary Watching, Oswald Chambers explores the mysticism of what Watch With Me might really mean to us:

“Watch with Me” — with no private point of view of your own at all, but watch entirely with Me. In the early stages we do not watch with Jesus, we watch for Him. We do not watch with Him through the revelation of the Bible; in the circumstances of our lives. Our Lord is trying to introduce us to identification with Himself in a particular Gethsemane, and we will not go; we say — “No, Lord, I cannot see the meaning of this, it is bitter.” How can we possibly watch with Someone Who is inscrutable? How are we going to understand Jesus sufficiently to watch with Him in His Gethsemane, when we do not know even what His suffering is for? We do not know how to watch with Him; we are only used to the idea of Jesus watching with us.”

Chambers strikes at the great unknowing that I still feel even today.

I don’t know WHY Jesus did what He did and I don’t really know why God required His death to achieve my redemption.

Dutch Sheets remarks in Intercessory Prayer:

“Without any question, Christ’s redemption of humanity–the work of intercession–began with His travail in the Garden of Gethsemane.”

The travail that the disciples were asked to assist Him with and couldn’t as they nodded off, one by one.

Even though they loved Him and needed Him–they couldn’t do it.

If I stopped right here, I might be able to justify being mopey and down for the rest of the day because I know I’ve let people down all of my life.

I could dwell on that.

But I don’t think that’s why I’m meant to explore verse 38 or the tearjerker song By My Side.

Maybe I’m meant to explore Jesus’ suffering as a source of joy and just do the hard thing–which is for me–putting my big boy britches on and getting out there with Jesus and stop looking for reasons to shrink back and let the world have its way with me.

Jesus had to have seen the future–and He must have seen some joy there–even though He knew He would be hanging on a cross in the next few hours.

John Piper writes in Desiring God:

“It is an oversimplification to say that Jesus did not feel like giving His life to redeem mankind. Yes, He knew it would be excruciating, and yes, He shrank back from the pain. But, the joy of the future flowed back into the present in Gethsemane, and the taste sustained Him. Yes, there are acts of love that are more pleasant than others. But that does not mean that there is no painful joy in the hard ones.”

Just yesterday, I declined an offer to participate in a charity golf tournament because one of the key features and enticements of this tournament is sponsorship by the biggest strip club in Myrtle Beach.

They send girls around to serve drinks and collect donations from hapless men agog with boobs and legs and butts.

“Come on, it will be great,” the guy asked.

“I’m not available that day, “ I said, with a shrug.

And I won’t be.

I’ll be keeping watch–probably sleepily, probably as wobbly as any of the disciples–with Jesus.

But that’s an easy one. That’s like being Peter during the first 10 minutes after Jesus asks for his help.

We all know there will be harder times though and the urge to sleep will be irresistible.

We’ve all lived it.

And that saddens us, but we always persist. 🙂

Lord, help us to be steady companions to one another, offering love and support in times of need. May we keep watch with those who suffer, sharing their burdens and reflecting Your compassion.

Lord, strengthen our hearts to follow You and to remain by Your side through every step of the journey.

Amen.